i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize