she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
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Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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