ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
