my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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