You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
