I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
