STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
