Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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