don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
