You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
