can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
