I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize