i don't like sucking hair
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
