hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Randomize
