She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So many bounce houses so little time
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
