That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
