the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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