I hope mine doesn't look like that
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Mom said you looked used
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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