she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
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I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
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Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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