Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
