yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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