I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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