eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
