Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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