Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
