No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
