go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
