the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
