Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
