i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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