so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize