Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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