Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
