My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
