I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
