I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
