Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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