I'm gonna have a badass scar
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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