Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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