he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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