instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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