Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
