Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
