After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
