were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
