he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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