I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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