paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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