ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
50% drunk capacity currently
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
