Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
