Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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