is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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