If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think I sprained my soul last night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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