You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
