pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
