Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
