party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
