I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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