i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
