Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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