I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
