I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
