I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
