I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
