How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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