i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
