I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
