If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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