sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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