I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
